The endless pursuit of the unattainable (2 out of 2)

Joy or Peace of mind.

Peace of mind sounds like a good idea

Lasting peace of mind can be attained when two conditions are met. Firstly, we start seeing our uniqueness as a virtue. Secondly, we detach ourselves from everything material in this world. Achieving these two conditions is no small feat. When we enjoy ourselves for who we are and we detach ourselves from everything and everyone, what we want becomes permanently equal to what we have. From this ensues a permanent satisfaction. I refer to this feeling of constant satisfaction as peace of mind. Most people would mistakenly call it happiness. It is not happiness. Moreover, the danger of calling it happiness is that, over time, we run the risk of wanting more than what self-enjoyment and detachment are providing us. We find ourselves unintentionally rejoining the rat race of pursuing happiness, with all the angst and disappointment that this carries. As we do this, we lose our dearly acquired peace of mind.

Lasting peace of mind is a state where we see, know and feel everything around us, and in spite of all that, we still feel calm and serene. As if something bigger than everything else is reassuring us. It is making us understand deep down inside that worrying is pointless, and in most cases not even needed to start with. Somehow, when we are in that state of inner peace, we strongly believe that things will turn out to be the best they could be, and therefore good for us. Peace of mind lives in our souls. When it is complete, it fills our entire soul. Interferences from outside can, if we let them through, destroy it quickly and sometimes permanently. When it is not immersed in the right conditions, peace of mind is a very delicate state of being. As we saw above, these conditions are not many, there are only two. And when peace of mind is standing on these two foundations, it is strong, unbreakable, and everlasting.

Peace of mind belongs to another family than happiness, joy, or pleasure. It can exist without happiness, joy, or pleasure. And they surely can exist without peace of mind. But when peace of mind is present, it contributes, often significantly, to the solidity of our happiness, the appreciation of our joys, and the savoring of our pleasures. The reverse is not true. Happiness, joy, and pleasure do not necessarily increase our peace of mind. Actually, more often than not, they deteriorate it.

For many people detachment from the world is the hardest thing they can imagine. It is not the path they want to take. They want to be active in the tangible and physical world. These people are left with only one choice to attempt making these eighty years or so, worth living or at least a better proposition than dying. And this choice is “joy!”.

Is that the right path? In the beginning, no one really knows. Later some might discover that it was not the right path for them, often a bit too late to change anything.

So for most of us, in our innate ignorance, we take our chances in seeking joy, in trying to enjoy life. As we follow that path the key question becomes …

Where and how can joy be found?

The feeling of joy emanates from three distinct and connected sources: being, having, and doing.

“Being” is the most critical of the three sources. It defines our state of heart, body and mind.

First and foremost, being physically and mentally healthy is a fundamental pre-requisite for joy. Without it, joy is extremely rare, and when it does occasionally happen, it feels futile, fleeting, and unsavory.

Health can be preserved when we have it. And it is entirely up to us. Those who knowingly or unknowingly, destroy their health are condemning themselves to a life deprived of joy. Surely, the unforeseen accident, illness, or tragedy could damage our health significantly, sometimes irreversibly. When that happens, joy becomes the rare exception in the unfolding of our lives. Seeking it as the main purpose of our existence would be self-delusional and utter waste of time. For a human that lost their health or never really had it, I see two paths: the first is the path of lasting peace of mind, but this requires extraordinary strength of character, and very few have it. The second path is the easier one, and it could be described as the systematic drowning of the pain, physical or mental, in an over-abundance of pleasures. If we cannot afford the necessary pleasures, financially or physically, then we are faced with two equally difficult choices: either we develop the strength to reach our peace of mind, or hell would become our home, every day, until there are no more days left in our earthly life.

Assuming health is there, then self-pride is the next important condition in which our joy can express its potential. If we despise or feel pity for ourselves, it is impossible to appreciate the real taste of joy. It will always be tainted by the lack of respect we have for our being. We are convinced that we don’t deserve whatever joy comes our way. We prohibit ourselves from living it for what it is, with all its impact.

The third condition we need to find ourselves in to embrace joy is being with the people we like, appreciate, and love and who in return like, appreciate and love us. Surely, we can enjoy pleasurable moments with any respectful, kind, honest, and fun person. But to feel the full extent and intensity of joy that a short or long moment can give us, the only place to be is with the people we love.

Love is indeed a source and a multiplier of joy, when we are in it, and when we have it in our heart. Yet, there are three foundations upon which love has to stand strong. And when we have them, the joy of love will flourish and grow.

The first foundation to channel our love feelings and actions into joy is meaning. Meaning comes from having a purpose to which we associate everything we do. As we draw the link between why we exist and what we do, every action gains a genuine meaning. The meaning of our existence. The successful completion of our actions brings us thus an authentic and agreeable emotion which translates into a feeling of joy. The joy of achieving our life purpose, through love.

For our actions of love to stand a bigger chance of success, they require a critical ingredient beyond our intelligence, determination and strength. They need the second foundation, the power to make them happen as planned or better. And, to secure the necessary power which converts ideas into reality, nothing is more essential than money. Without it, frustration takes hold fairly quickly, our intelligence and determination turn into cynicism and rage, and our strength wanders aimlessly feeling useless and fruitless. Our love suffers.

Without meaning, money is vain and pretentious.

With meaning, money is a builder and a fulfiller of visions.

And without money, and the power to fulfil, meaning loses its significance and turns into a source of frustration and suffering.

The third and final foundation of love is anchored in our most innate trait as human beings – hope. Hope, defined simply, is having a future perspective, a vision of what to come, and believing in its possible realization. The stronger the belief, the higher the hope. Hope is the essential fuel for our enduring love and joys. The present love becomes more intense when the hope to extend it into the future is strong. On the contrary, with little or without hope, our consciousness focuses us exclusively on the short and narrow present moment, rendering its associated love and joy as short and narrow. Less enjoyable, less fulfilling.

Armed with hope and using our power to do what’s necessary to accomplish our meaningful purpose, love becomes a source of deep and exhilarating joy.

Alongside “being” and “having”, “doing” completes the triumvirate. Doing is arguably the most tangible source of joy. By doing, our imagination, our thoughts, our emotions, our words, and our love take a concrete form. They transform from mere ideas to tangible energy that can shape the world around us. Not every one of us is born to be Jesus or Buddha, and therefore, we are not meant to shape the lives of billions of living beings. If we are lucky, our deeds would affect positively the people close to us, our family and our friends, and this carries its share of joy. On the other hand, for many of us, a big source of joy is simply doing the things we like. And for certain things, doing them with the people we like, and ultimately love. Giving them gracefully what contributes to fulfill their needs and satisfy their desires; and receiving from them gratefully the beautiful things they are capable of giving us.

Doing good by ourselves and the people around us, while doing the things we like, is the sure way to receive a constant flow of joy. Beyond humans, there is the mother of all beings, earth. Doing good by our generous planet, without any restraint and by all the beings begotten and nurtured by her, without discrimination, is one the best ways to a lasting, and more intense flow of joy.

So much joy to be felt, here on earth, yet we live in the scarcity of that amazing feeling. What a paradox!

Humans have built so many barriers to joy that some people gave up looking for joy in earthly things and feelings. Their search for joy led them to the divine and the eternal. For them, the only joy worth feeling became the one drawn from being in the vine, having the confident assurance of a present and a future abiding in the vine, and doing the things inspired by and in the name of the vine.

Have these people discovered and understood something that everyone else missed?

Is joy necessary?

There is no straight answer to this question.

If the question is: “can we live without the small doses of enjoyment that stem from the many things we see, feel, and do every day?” Then the answer is no. We cannot live without these. Without them, we would be slowly invaded by a lack of enthusiasm towards life. Then one day, despair would take hold of us. Once that happened, what would usually come next is predictable and obvious. The end of life on earth.

But are these enjoyments joy, or are they something else?

If joy is about the big moments where we are submerged with the feeling of elation or delight, those events which happen sporadically in one’s life, birth of a child, winning the lottery, extraordinary success at school or work, then joy is not absolutely necessary. We can live, and many people have already lived, without it. These big moments remain important to give more taste to our life, but they are not essential to its continuation.

In a way, this is reassuring. These exceptional events are not easily accessible to all of us. They are extremely difficult to create or find. Some of their ingredients are often missing or unaffordable, standing in the way of this dearly sought feeling.

Time brings wisdom to the intelligent

As time goes by, happiness and joy remaining elusive, the intelligent person becomes wise and starts searching for something within their direct control. Neither happiness nor joy fit the bill. Pleasures are even further away. They look for a state of serenity where they could appreciate all the small enjoyments they seek and overcome all the annoyances which come their way. It is a state where we are in tune with who we are and totally detached from material things. This state holds the power and the promise of long-lasting and sustainable contentment.

When we reach this state of complete independence from the material world and not wanting to be or become someone we are not, then we get rid of our anxiety and we stop relying on hope. We free ourselves of passing pleasures, momentary joys and illusionary happiness. We feel the absolute certainty that nothing can negatively affect us anymore. The worst that can happen to us is the unexpected death of someone we love. If we don’t have faith in the immortality of their soul, and their absence becomes unbearable, then we always have, by our own lack of faith, the certainty of our own end. That reassures us and bolsters our serenity.

In that state of being, we discover true peace of mind, the enduring, lasting and powerful one.

The slightest compromise will create breaches and open backdoors from which the hope of pleasure, joy and happiness can sneak in and the anxiety of not getting them or losing them will eventually destroy whatever peace of mind we would have achieved.

Peace of mind, only as described throughout this text, can effectively protect us from the world’s angst, and be the unique antidote to suffering, sorrow and sadness.

Pleasures, joy, and happiness are fleeting and fragile, WHILE suffering, sorrow, and sadness are engrained and strong. AND peace of mind is even more pervasive and powerful.

Pleasures, joy, and happiness are shallow and hard to come by, WHILE suffering, sorrow, and sadness are deep and omnipresent. AND peace of mind is flowing even deeper in and from within our hearts.

Pleasures, joy, and happiness are scarce, WHILE suffering, sorrow, and sadness are abundant. AND peace of mind leaves no place for any other feeling in our souls.

Pleasures, joy, and happiness are individual, WHILE suffering, sorrow, and sadness are universal. AND peace of mind is a universe within ourselves!

And in closing…

At their first encounter, death told the one who thought he knew and still cared:

“I have two questions for you. My first one is: how was your life?”

He answered: “my entire life, I was a slave to hope and a prisoner of anxiety”

Death then asked him the second question: “What do you want now?”

To which he replied: “freedom! I want to rise above hope and liberate myself from anxiety. I want absolute, unshakable, and eternal certainty about everything. Is that possible?”

With a big smile, death said: “You have eternity to find out, welcome back!”