Friendship

They left everything behind them and followed their friend. They vowed their lives to him. They were always together, sharing the joys, overcoming the difficulties, and easing the sorrows of each other. Their friendship came late in their lives, but when they met they knew they have found in the other the friend they always longed for. They lived together many adventures. They feasted, they talked, they prayed, and they collectively decided to build a new world order where devotion to each other will be the foundation upon which they will spread the words of peace, love, and forgiveness. For many years, they embodied what true friendship is all about. The years were hard but unthreatening. Risky things needed to be done, but no vital danger was looming, every step of their way. That group of friends became very close, they shared their meals, their sleep, and their daily moments.

One day, one of them got into real trouble with the merchants in the town center. It became serious, his crime was punishable by death. He was wanted by the local police, and the reward was significant. The group of friends stuck together and fled away from the city. They hid in the woods, waiting for the storm to pass and for everything to go back to normal. Occasionally, some of them, who are less known to the local police, would go to the city to buy food and other necessities, and they would hear the people talking about the man who destroyed the shops in front of the temple and the bunch of friends who are with him hiding somewhere. They also would hear about the reward for his capture. More importantly, they would learn that the police were only interested in the “man” who attacked the sellers on that day. The reward even stated that if his friends delivered him to the police, they will be absolved of any wrongdoing, in addition to receiving the promised financial reward.

Back in the woods, they shared what they learned with the others, and many discussions started about what they should do next. The dominant thinking was firmly rooted in solidarity, sticking together, and protecting each other, as friends would do, until they would figure out a way out of this exile, without compromising the freedom of any of them, even and especially the one who was directly accused of the marketplace mayhem.

A month went by while everyone was holding their end of the oath and all of them were united against the oppressors who were hunting them. After a while, the ones who used to go to town to buy provisions were noticed by the local people. Their regular ins and outs, arriving empty-handed and leaving loaded with food for more than ten people were suspicious. So, as people do, they shared their suspicions with the police. One day, as two of the friends ventured discretely into town, the police intercepted them and told them: “we know who you are! We know with whom you are hiding! You can do one of two things: either you deliver to us the “man” and you will be set free with a handsome reward, or you don’t give us your friend and you will rot in prison for the rest of your days”.

The rest of the story is a classical chapter of humanity, known by more than half of the earth’s population. The guilty “man” was arrested after he was delivered by his best friend, who got the reward, the rest of his friends fled in all directions, his other best friend denied he knew him three times in one night, and eventually, the “man” was condemned and crucified. When he was dying on the cross, there were three people at his feet braving all risks to be with him until the end: his mother, his beloved, and his brother. There were no friends in sight, not even in the crowd standing afar watching the crucifixion. He then uttered two famous sentences: “father forgive them, they know not what they do” and “father, father, why have you forsaken me”. Eventually, he died among two thieves, a crowd of strangers, and three members of his family.

Many beautiful qualities are attributed to friendship, one of the cornerstones of these qualities is unwavering solidarity in hardship. Unfortunately, history has shown us, over and over, that friendship doesn't blend well with hardship!

When things get tougher and the basal conditions of living freely or safely are in question, when money and significant others get involved, or when the mighty self gets in the way, friendship thwarts like ice in the sun and all the oaths of eternal and unbreakable loyalty evaporate like water in the desert. When life takes a hard turn on you, don’t be looking around for your friends, you won’t find many of them. Most of your friends chose you when they needed you and not when you needed them. So, when you need them more than they need you, and you ask them to sacrifice some of their “sacred” rights for a life of their own design, don't be surprised by a massive, if not total, defection. The only ones who would stand next to you, in your darkest moments, are exactly the ones who stood next to the cross when the “man” was being slaughtered, his family! Your family! There is a simple and basic explanation for this immutable phenomenon: any change, good or bad, in your life would be considered by your family as a change in their lives. A mother would lose her peace of mind, if her son is losing his, a brother would not sleep if his sister’s soul is broken, and a child would give all his belongings to his parents if this would save them from humiliation or worse. The famous saying: “blood is thicker than water” is universal wisdom and will never become obsolete. Of course, there are exceptions to this family axiom, but only to confirm it.

Sometimes it happens that one friend, whom you can definitely consider as your brother or sister, would behave with you exactly like your family would. When this happens, you will realize that you are blessed with a very rich life among your fellow humans, you will also remember that one sparrow doesn’t make summer! Since we are talking about fellow humans, it is fair to say, that your animal friends, and especially dogs, will often prove to be more loyal to you than most human friends out there.

Now, in the rest of your life, when things are normal, you will be surrounded by people with whom you find yourself sharing your moments of joy and very few and short moments of “bearable” sorrow. I simply mean you will be surrounded by friends! So, I would like to share with you a pragmatic way to choose your friends. Make sure you don’t compromise in your choices, unless you are ready to pay dearly, later on, for your negligence or laziness. It’s a simple framework, stick by it and you will enjoy more peace of mind and avoid many headaches:

I will finish these few lines on the much-praised friendship with a positive yet slightly cynical definition of a friend: “a friend is someone who says good things about you when you are not around”.

Now, answer the following question: “how many friends do you have?”

Are you sure?