Holding it Together
When I meet someone for the first time, the first thing I wish to tell them is: “please don’t tell me the truth, ever! Thank you for your honesty.” Because, when I meet them the second time, it is already too late.
Not a couple, not a family, not a group of friends will hold if people forming these entities stop lying to each other.
Truth is subjective. Truth is relative. Truth exposes. Truth is destructive. Truth is a word without an agreed upon meaning.
Lying is by design above subjectivity and objectivity. A relative lie is still a lie. Lying is primarily a protection measure and based on the entire history of the world, built on lies, lying is also constructive. Lying doesn’t hold much ambiguity.
Truth is the pillar of loneliness, lying is the backbone of society.
We all are well trained liars! From that first moment when we feel that telling the truth could have dire consequences, like the unbelievable story of Adam and Eve: “they told God the truth and they were kicked out of paradise!”, we know that lying is the best way to stay a bit longer at peace in paradise. We realise every day that all is ephemeral, therefore what is the point of holding the torch of eternal truth? Lying may not last, but it is less costly. Our choices are rather clear: one truth for life, most likely a lonely one, or many lies to traverse life, a normal one? So, we program ourselves to learn how to become good liars. Like in everything in life, some people become bad liars and others turn out to be masterful in the art of “not telling the truth”. Bad liars are typically the ones who either don’t have the necessary intelligence and skills to make lies believable or the ones raised and traumatised by some righteous lying parents who kept wielding at them the twin brothers, good and evil, and their little sister, guilt. They kept telling them lying is bad, if you lie you should feel guilty! Adults are really amazing creatures, they know deep down inside that nothing holds together in their lives without lying and for the dearest creatures to them, their children, they give them knowingly the worst advice: don’t lie, always tell the truth! Ha, ha ha!!! I rest my case on humans, they are the worst nature has ever created, no doubt!
From the smallest things, to very important situations in our private life or at work, a lie, big or small, would eventually save the day and keep the plan together.
There is one rule that cannot be broken, and when we abide by this rule, any lie becomes a good lie, and, surprisingly, the same could be said about any truth, because there are also bad truths, the same way there are bad lies. I already talked about this rule in a more general context. I mentioned that any words or action should never be aimed at hurting someone, rather their purpose should be to repair a mistake done towards someone, or even better, to bring joy to the people connected to us. The rule for lying is simple - any lie aimed at repairing a mistake or bringing joy without hurting anyone, is a good lie and such it is a necessary founding act in our society, all other lies are harmful and destructive. The same is true for the truth. However, and somehow unfortunately, because of the content of the above-mentioned rule and the nature of humans, there are far less truths that fit the bill, then there are lies.
There is also an essential condition for this rule to live its full potential and deliver its full promise. The liar needs to be skillful and this requires a condition of intelligence. A stupid lie is rarely, not to say never, a constructive act. Stupidity fails to consider the mindset of the other person, their way of thinking, the kind of logic that drives them, and few other key elements of their personality and background. Therefore, a stupid lie falls short of the desired effect, the protection or the preservation of a certain state of things.
I won’t give any examples in this article, but I will give you, in another article, twenty-two separate examples of very well-known lies that humanity tells humanity in the aim of portraying a much better image of itself. For the private lies that you use in your daily lives, I am sure that you have a countless number of them in your mind; just choose one, measure it against the rule above and its essential condition, and this small exercise will surely anchor for you how lies are the backbone of your life, of our society and how they are holding them all together.
For the ones that never lied in their lives and can read (I am not sure if such people exist!), here is one example that will put your mind at work, and make you think twice next time you decide to tell the truth and nothing but the truth …
The most hated figure in Christian history is Judas. The reason for that is that he betrayed Jesus, by giving his identity to the temple police. Regardless of the fact that this story seems like an imagined fiction, simply because if Jesus was wanted so badly by the temple police, they would have many people from their own to follow him around and identify him, and help in his capture. But, for the sake of the example, let us admit that this is what happened. Judas a disciple of Jesus, and a Jew like Jesus, joined this new revolutionary leader hoping for a better Israel and a better life. After few months of following him around and trying to understand what kind of revolution Jesus is bringing about, he became convinced that his country Israel was not going to be better off, if everyone followed Jesus’ directions. He decided to tell the entire truth about Jesus to the temple police, in order to, according to his convictions, save his country from an uncertain and tumultuous future. So, he revealed Jesus’ intentions, his contempt to the Jewish clergy, his allusions to be the son of God, his destruction of the merchant stands in front of the temple, his views on the uselessness of some the oldest Jewish traditions such as Sabbath, … and of course the identity and whereabouts of Jesus. He basically told the TRUTH, but to the wrong people in the eyes of the Christians, and thus condemned Jesus to a sure death. Today, Judas is labeled as one the biggest traitors in the history of the world, and one of the most hated figures in Christian cultured societies, only because, when asked, he told the truth, his truth, about Jesus.
My advice to everyone I care about is: “avoid the truth at all costs, avoid hearing it or telling it. Very few people can handle the truth. And those who can do not need someone to tell it to them, they see it, feel it and hear it in every smile, each body movement, and every spoken or unspoken word!"