Self-Confidence
Often we wonder whether people we meet or we spend time with are constantly judging us? And the simple answer is: “Yes, they are!”. It is inherent to human nature to categorize people and put them in boxes, and to do that there is a big element of judgment.
We are also, often, if not always, trapped in the idea that we are defined, if not completely but to a large part, by these judgments. We all know the famous wisdoms that say: “we exist in the eye of the other, this and that in the eye of the beholder, etc.”. These accepted common places or ideas are plain wrong. The judgments that most people hold on us don’t really matter; actually they don’t matter at all!
Jesus said it in a very succinct, elegant and direct way:
“He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone.”
“Judge not, as not to be judged. By your judgments you will be judged and by your measures you will be measured”
Why most people’s judgments don’t matter?
Sound, accurate and fair judgment has to be founded on complete knowledge of the absolute truth and can only be made by applying flawless intelligence on this knowledge, while excluding, with the help of very strong wisdom, all noisy emotions and blinding egos.
These conditions are never met, therefore all judgments are based on incomplete knowledge of a relative or distorted truth, made with the intelligence (or lack of it) available and tainted by our uncontrolled emotions and conceited egos. Consequently, human judgments are flawed, and don’t really matter.
What does this have to do with self-confidence?
The foundations of self-confidence are laid on the full understanding of the above explanation and the demonstration of the unimportance of human judgments.
Once the foundations are based on that solid understanding and inner belief, self-confidence is built up and grows by continuously acquiring knowledge, refining the intelligence, and deepening the wisdom, all to a level where we can:
Continue to be the best judges of our own qualities and deficiencies. In other terms continue to be fully self-aware and improve ourselves, based on that awareness.
Clearly see the flaws and the shortcomings of the judgments made on us, hence not letting them affect our self-confidence
We all know or should know that self-confidence is the key to success at home, at work, in family, in society, in relationships, in sex, in love, in life, … in everything we undertake! We need to grow and protect this rare trait of our personality with humility, courage and perseverance. As we embark on doing this, day in, day out, relentlessly, three things are critical in guiding our thinking and actions towards stronger and more resilient self-confidence:
Self-confidence is a living entity, embedded in our personality, feeding on knowledge, intelligence and wisdom. Living entities, if not fed well or at all, become weaker and eventually die.
The opinion of very few select people can enhance our self-knowledge, sharpen our intelligence and deepen our wisdom and therefore strengthen our self-confidence. When we meet these select people, we will very quickly know who they are and that their opinion is worthy of our attention.
The judgments of the rest of humanity can be ignored; moreover, ignoring them is essential to preserve the strength of our self-confidence.