My Night Companion
I write these few words in my apartment in Paris. It is 4am. I am drunk.
We spent the evening at the Crazy Horse in Paris. We were five people. At around 12:30 am, I accompanied the two couples back to their respective homes and then drove to my place, tipsy but not drunk.
I parked my car not very far from my apartment; it was 1:05am. A beautiful music was playing; Oum Koulsoum was singing “Daret el ayam”, meaning “The days have revolved”. My Jack Daniel bottle is never too far, I also keep a bag of peanuts in the car, for the long trips where I need to eat something to calm the ulcer in my stomach.
Shot after shot, verse after verse, melody after melody, my imbibed head started spinning with words and memories. Few hours passed by and whatever deliverance I was waiting for didn’t come, so I decided to go up to the apartment where I can spend some quality time with my late night companion, my solitude. I was completely hammered and ready for her company. As I was walking towards the entrance of the building, in that cold winter night, I was repeating to myself:
“My solitude, I am yours, take care of me! Stay with me! Tonight I have only you and I cannot be with anyone but you.”
Once in my apartment, with all the alcohol in my blood and the sense of security and safety from being home, I felt I could surrender to my sleep and my bed became a very attractive option. This is not knowing my solitude and how attached to my presence she is! She shook the sleep out of my eyes with few, very well selected dark thoughts, and in case these were not enough and I would let myself crash on the floor, on the couch or anywhere else in the apartment, she gave me a preview of what my dreams would be like that night. I like her determination and her wickedness in using any means at her disposal to keep me with her!
Now, I am writing these few words, and she is holding my hand and guiding my thoughts. I cannot stop her, through these few lines you are reading, from boasting about her hold on me.
She is appeasing, tender, and gentle. She gives me all the time I need to think, to express my emotions, and to share my thoughts. She listens and doesn’t judge. She hears and doesn’t give random advice. She embraces and doesn’t suffocate. When I am with her, I don’t want anything or anyone else. She doesn’t speak about herself all the time, actually she hardly speaks at all, but every word she utters is a revelation of a deeply repressed truth. Often times I cannot see her for weeks, and when we meet again, not a word of blame or reprimand, she is just happy to see me.
My solitude, my sorcerer, your beauty fascinates me!
My powerful solitude, you invade me and you dominate me!
My solitude, my loyal friend, your presence invigorates me.
My tender and caring solitude, you make me stronger!
My night companion, you never disappoint me, I love you!