The Fiery Lover
On one summer day he told me: “I have a Dupont lighter, I had it for a long time and it has been sitting in the closet for few years. I want you to have it and to use it to light your cigarettes”. A strange gift from a father to his son, especially if it is taken out of its context and meaning!
He loved smoking. Since he was a young man, he enjoyed close to three packs a day. He even boasted that there were days when he used his lighter once in the morning for his first cigarette and he smoked the rest, one cigarette lighting the other.
His passion for smoking was life consuming. At the age of 77, his lungs deprived him from his passion. Since then he hasn’t been able to bear the smell of a cigarette, like a lover who was deprived from his beloved and he couldn’t bear anymore the smell of her fragrance because of the pain that this memory brought unto his heart.
Three years later, he decided to let go of the last symbol that reminded him of his lover, his lighter! His passion incited him to bestow this last kept instrument of love, to the man he loved the most in his life, his son. As if by doing that, he is continuing to live his passion, watching this latter enjoy the soothing company of his ex-lovers.
Why did he choose to offer this valuable lighter this year and not the previous one, or the one before? Why did he decide to relinquish his last memory of his lover, now and not when he had to abandon her few years ago? Truly, no one, except he, can answer these questions. But maybe the answer is one of the following.
Firstly, for few years, he fought hard against the idea of not enjoying the company of his lover, ever again. And, to ensure that he wouldn’t miss anything if this meeting took place someday, he held on to the instrument that would light the fire of his lover and burn his passion with her. But when he became certain of the impossibility of a new encounter, as there is nothing left in his chest but two handfuls of ashes, that cannot be lit or burnt, he decided to give the lighter a new life, with his son.
Secondly, he wanted to get rid of this painful memory since the first separation, but he couldn’t find the trusted hands in which he could leave it. He was looking for a pair of hands that will treat his lover with the same tenderness and care as he did. This year, when he saw his son’s hands caressing a cigarette in the same way he used to, he knew that he found the rightful heir for his lighter. He decided to give his son the chance to live fully his pleasures and he offered him his lighter, to light with it all his lovers.
Thirdly, after a life long of providing his son with whatever this latter needed, in the last few years, times were hard, and he hasn’t been able to give him anything. This year, as he had enough of this misery, he wanted to give his son a token of love, beyond the fatherly love, the latter received in every moment. He wanted to give him a slice from his life, and a spark from his heart. He decided to offer him what used to get very close to his face, held gently in one hand and protected from the blowing nature by the other, what used to illuminate his frown at night and warm his face from cold, and what used to add fever to his smile and leave a burning kiss on his lips. He decided to share with his son all these personal feelings of nearness, warmth, tenderness and care. He decided, this year, to give him his lighter.
But the son didn’t take the lighter!
Even though the lover is now incapable, he still wants his lover for himself, even though the mind is agreeing to the giving, the heart is still refusing the forsaking, and even though the passion is unfulfilled, it still lives in his heart and soul.
As long as the father is breathing, the fire of the lighter will remain kindled between his hands, even if it is only warming the air he is inhaling, or firing the words of regrets about the years he spent in tasting and enjoying his passion!